Feeling the loneliness

Is of no surprise to anyone that I feel alone most of the time. And that this feeling has been with me most of my life.

I am also a deeply jealous person: I do not like to 'share', not even an inch, of the love and attention of my love interests. I want them for me, just me. I want to be just me the one who can feel them, touch them, take their scents with me.

And since I am not able to keep them just for me, I have to deal with my inner deception and rage.

But I am also attached to my own freedom and despise whoever wants to tie me up.

I feel as a constant wreck, living in a dual and opposed feeling of grab and release.

What can I do?

Thinking of you

Today I caught myself thinking of you, about our relationship: how we have come so far after so many years; how have we kept close to one another; how things have evolved.

I think about how we met, how we never interacted those first years. I thought about how we got back together and have kept together ever since.

I am thinking about how you have been there for me in some of the worst stages of my life. How I have been there for you as well. I am thinking ahead: how we will keep together over the years.

I'm thinking about your eyes; about your arms, about your body. I'm thinking about your taste, about your scent. And how I miss them.

I think about how I wish you to be mine, only mine.

But this thoughts have to be kept a secret, inside.

La música

Siempre la música ha jugado un papel importante en mi vida. La ocasión en que la música desapareció un poco de mi vida, mi vida se volvió sombría.

Hoy, mientras veía una serie que me gusta mucho, sonó la canción de inicio de la serie... e inmediatamante me transportó a ese sitio a fines del año pasado, cuando me sentía sola y miserable. Durante ese tiempo veía mucho esta serie... y ahora oigo la canción y me siento... rara... como en aquella época.

Aun me duele en el corazón esa época.